Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
