now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
