I cannot find my penis.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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