Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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