my phone cant type all the emotion im having
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
