I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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