the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
