She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
