I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
