I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
