I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
