apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize