I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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