i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize