I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
