she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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