The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
