I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
