haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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