My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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