You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
