We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Randomize
