It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
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Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
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I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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