Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
