I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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