just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
