quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
