Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
