Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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