This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize