i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
