i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
