Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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