you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie