I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.