ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.