apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
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Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
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Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.