I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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