Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
