Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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