I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
