It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I wish there were birth control emojis
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
