Your face is a jimmy john
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The Olympian is in my bed
I know her cup size but not her name....
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