On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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