My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
