Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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