Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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