I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
