Your tits are I can't wait for
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
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