can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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