Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
