It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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