oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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