I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize