went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
