im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
