First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
His nipple licking is glorious
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