I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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