allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
