And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
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