U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
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