You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.