You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me