I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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