Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(518): View more from New York

haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting

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(518): haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting http://tfl.nu/19oh

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(214): View more from Texas

just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.

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(214): just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that. http://tfl.nu/pf1d

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(804): View more from Virginia

my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.

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(804): my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go. http://tfl.nu/0t5u

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?

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(267): Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet? http://tfl.nu/aedp

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(917): View more from New York City

you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night

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(917): you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night http://tfl.nu/accx

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(217): View more from Illinois

i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick

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(217): i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick http://tfl.nu/rn55

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(778): View more from British Columbia

we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"

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(778): we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go" http://tfl.nu/uvr2

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(585): View more from New York

I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"

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(585): I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome" http://tfl.nu/e453

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(217): View more from Illinois

While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.

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(217): While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month. http://tfl.nu/gp1m

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(865): View more from Tennessee

I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother

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(865): I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother http://tfl.nu/1rmv

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD

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(505): I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD http://tfl.nu/div0

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(402): View more from Nebraska

My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.

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(402): My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing. http://tfl.nu/h7oz

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.

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(501): I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/edkm

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(076): View more from

He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.

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(076): He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid. http://tfl.nu/ww4m

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(312): View more from Illinois

The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have

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(312): The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have http://tfl.nu/kcpe

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