i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
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You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
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Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?