ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
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I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
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So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT