whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
