she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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