i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
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Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
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I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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