I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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