So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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