Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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