When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
