He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
