I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
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I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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