I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
