we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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