sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
