i don't like sucking hair
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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