Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
