Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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