It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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