My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
