I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
