wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
