next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
