when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
