There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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